Lots of things rolling through my head these days.
*The loss of both of my grandfathers last year.
*Missing New Zealand, especially when I look at my pictures.
*Do I really belong in grad school? (when I'm feeling pressured)
*Will I get a grad assistantship?
*Have the people changed so much or is it me and my perspective?
1. I took the loss of my first grandfather very hard - nightmares and big time grief. When I arrived home after my amazing journey to find my other grandfather had passed away I went into denial mode. It's nice in denial land. Unfortunately, you can only stay there so long. I have been making brief trips back to the real world lately - at odd times - and it sucks.
2. I had the most amazing experience of my life in NZ and I can actually say I wouldn't have done it any differently - there are a few things I would have liked to have done, time permitting, but overall I am very pleased with my experience.
3. Yes. I even had a teacher who reassured me at a stressful time. I have as much right to be here as any other grad student - even if I don't have any teaching experience outside of my student teaching. I will receive my diploma soon, complete the Praxis 2 test sometime in the next couple of months and apply for my licensure. Upon completing the requirements for my licensure I will be qualified to sub in the state of MN = more teaching experience.
4. As for my grad assistantship - I plan to apply in the Education Department, Library, and possibly the English Department. The English Department would rock because I could get actual teaching experience and the Ed Dept would rock because it's my department. The Library would give me an insiders view of how a university library works and I used to volunteer at the public library back in TX.
5. I think maybe it is a combination of people growing over 6 months and the experiences I had and the changes I underwent. I've had several people, including my mom :) tell me how grown up I am now. Apparently, I was in the process of becoming a full-fledged adult still when I left and now I am there. It makes me chuckle. I know I am an adult, have been for several years now. Fortunately, I don't feel like one. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly capable of being mature and handling adult issues, but I love to laugh and have fun and hang out with my friends. Nothing too shocking there. I'm glad I'm not all serious because what fun would life be then? And what are we here for if we can't enjoy SOME aspects of our life?
I am happy here. I don't want you to think I'm not. MN certainly feels more like home than Texas did. I still miss my family and friends back in Texas, but it just isn't my home anymore. This was a hard and somewhat shocking revalation. It took 26 years of my life, 3 years away at college and 4.5 months in NZ to come to the point where TX wasn't home anymore. Must have been a strong bond :0)